Friendship Lost – revisited

(Reading this the day after it was put down I realize that things of this manner should not be done with a migraine! It makes me sound whiny desperate. This is far from the case here. I am merely expressing my feeling of loss concerning the apparent loss of a close friend. Why am I leaving it posted? It express my possible loss of this friendship and hopefully the desire for it to be healed. Communication is primary importance to me and I require it, but it cannot be one sided. I need to express myself, even if to no avail.)

A friend was found
the relationship was patched?
this was the hope.

Two weeks of sporadic communication
then a txt saying I will call tonight
20 days as of right now
no contact

“Promises made to keep in touch
“you are on my emergency call list”
but no calls come in.

The message says something not understandable
and I love you all.
Is there a problem, how can I help?
I can’t, that option has been taken away by a closed line
of communication.

“You have been my best friend for years”
But now you will not talk to me, I am shut out,
apparently along with family. We all miss your voice, your laugh, your tears.

The problem that exists – once in my heart you never get out,
no one does, ever, even those I have not seen or heard from in years, those that have hurt me or scorned me,
even those I pass by briefly, if you made a small touch you are still there and always will be
my heart holds on to all. I can not let go
without closure.

True closure needs a confirmation, or denial, I can get neither.

I want only the spark you brought to me back.

I want the spark back that said “I love you even tho we are apart”
Should love not communicate?

You helped me heal, I helped you recover, a tie that binds friendship forever
so I thought

We decided long ago that friends was the best place for us.

How can a friend not be there.

If you need me I will be there, just call but I can’t help what I don’t know
What about when I needed you, my total confidant, you were not there for me so I had to search for another, I got help and it was all I required and more, but it was not you, it was supposed to be you.

Trust is no longer easy for me. This is out of my nature you helped me trust again, now here i am being left out, how can I trust anyone when the one I came to trust the most abandons the very thing WE held dear.

where the hell are you when I need you

If this is ever read by you you are probably thinking. “to hell with him, I am going through ????? and this is how he treats me?”

How should i treat you, when I do not know.

Now I will try to sleep as I have not in weeks, NOT because of you and your inactions, but perhaps because you are not here to help me work things out.

I will find another, a great love in my life that will be what I need, what we may have been in different circumstances.

But know this, You will always be with me

I will always await your call with open arms, tentative tho they may now be.







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